雅各布·兰茨 Jacob Lentz
现为美国ABC公司金牌脱口秀《吉米?凯莫直播秀》（Jimmy Kimmel
Live）编剧，“小甜甜”布兰妮、姚明等名人都曾接受过本节目的访谈。作者编剧的《Jimmy Kimmel
Live奥斯卡特别节目》获得美国作家协会奖 Writers Guild
Awards。雅各布是一个语言天才，非常善于在生活工作中总结幽默机智的言谈和表达。
保罗·科赫斯特Paul Koehorst
美国知名电视作家及制片人，著名电台节目《瑞安直播室》（On Air with Ryan
Seacrest）、脱口秀《卡尔森?达利访谈》（Last Call with Carson
Daly）编剧。作者自信地认为，大多数同事都把他视为朋友，完全不用花工作以外的时间建立友谊。
目錄：
序言
导读
Chapter 1 办公室日常情景
When You Arrive at Work on Monday Morning
周一早上到公司
To People Who Get to Work Before You
遇见比你早到的同事时
When Your Carpool Picks You Up
同事来接你时
To a Coworker in the Parking Lot When You Arrive at the Same
Time
停车巧遇同事
When You’ re Late for Work
上班迟到
When You Come to work Hungover
上班时宿醉未醒
When You Come to Work with a Black Eye
带着黑眼圈来上班
To a Coworker with Whom You Share an Office
面对同一办公室的同事
When You and Your Coworkers Work in Cubicles
与同事在办公隔间工作
At the Coffee Machine
在咖啡机旁遇到同事
At the Copier
在复印机旁遇到同事
When Passing Someone in the Hall
走在大厅时，遇见同事
In the Elevator
搭电梯时遇到同事
In the Bathroom
在洗手间遇到同事该怎么说
At the Water Cooler
在饮水机旁遇到同事
At the Drinking Fountain
在喷泉式饮水机旁遇到同事
In the Break Room
在休息室遇到同事
At the Vending Machine
在售货机旁遇到同事
When You’ re Ordering In Food
点餐时遇到同事
When You’ re at Lunch and the Bill Comes
用餐时，账单送到你面前
After a Big Lunch
享用完丰盛的午餐
When You Send Someone on a Coffee Run
请同事帮忙买咖啡
Before Heading into a Meeting
开会前遇到同事
If You’ re Called on When Not Paying Attention in a Meeting
开会时走神，被逮个正着
At the End of a Meeting
会议结束时
When You’ re Starting a Conference Call
当你在进行电话会议时
When You Leave Work Early
当你早退时
At the End of the Day
下班喽
After a Bad Day
辛苦工作一天后
When Working Late
加班到很晚时
Chapter 2 每位同事都是独一无二的
To Your Personal Assistant
与你的私人助理交谈
To an Intern
面对实习生
To the Building Security Guard
与大楼警卫交谈
To the Person Who Hands out Office Mail
与发件人交谈
To the Person Who Hands out Petty Cash
面对专门发每日津贴的同事
When the Travel Coordinator Gives You Your Trip Details
出差协调员通知你出差细节
To the Tech Support Guy When He Comes to Fix Your Computer
技术人员帮你修理电脑
To the In-House Attorney
面对公司的律师
To Your Boss
遇到老板
To a Workaholic Coworker
遇到工作狂
To a Stressed-Out Coworker
面对超级紧张的同事
To a Coworker Who Is Always on Their PDA
面对总在摆弄PDA的同事
When Someone Won’ t Stop Talking about Their iPhone
提到iPhone就滔滔不绝的同事
To a Coworker Who Can Type Really Fast
与打字飞快的同事交谈
When Someone Complains of Carpel Tunnel Syndrome
同事抱怨患上手腕综合征
To a Coworker Who Shows Up Late for a Meeting
面对开会迟到的同事
When Someone Asks You a Computer Question
同事问你有关电脑的问题
To a Coworker Who Sends a Lot of Email Forwards
与“转发狂”同事交谈
To a Coworker with a Really Messy Desk
办公桌乱七八糟的同事
To a Coworker with a Really Clean Desk
办公桌非常干净的同事
When a Coworker Is Playing Music Too Loudly
遇到爱把音乐放很大声的同事
To a Coworker Who Sings All Day Long
面对整天都在唱歌的同事
To a Coworker Who Loves to Tell Jokes
遇见爱说笑的同事
To People Smoking out in Front of the Building
面对在办公楼前吸烟的同事
To a Coworker You Catch Daydreaming
面对做白日梦的同事
To a Coworker You Catch Napping
发现同事在打盹
To Someone Who Is Playing a Game on Their Computer at Work
同事上班时玩电脑游戏
Chapter 3 同事们的私生活
When a Coworker Talks about Personal Problems on the Phone
发现同事在讲私人电话时
To a Coworker Who Comes in with a Hangover
同事上班时宿醉未醒
When a Coworker Wears the Same Clothes Two Days in a Row
同事连续两天穿了同样的衣服
To a Coworker Who Just Got a DUI
同事醉酒驾车被抓
To a Coworker Going into Rehab
同事即将去戒酒中心
To a Coworker Who Just Got out of Rehab
刚出戒酒中心的同事
To Your Coworker Who Lost a Ton of Weight
同事瘦了很多
To a Coworker Who Complains about Being Single
抱怨没人爱的同事
To a Coworker Who Gets Engaged
已经订婚的同事
To Someone Collecting for a Coworker’ s Wedding Gift
有人正为同事的婚礼收集礼物
To a Coworker Who Gets a Mail-Order Bride
同事娶了个“邮购新娘”
To a Coworker Returning from a Honeymoon
同事度蜜月回来
To a Coworker Who Is Pregnant
同事怀孕了
To a Coworker Who Just Had a Baby
同事刚有了宝宝
To Someone Collecting for a Coworker’ s Baby Shower Gift
有人为同事收集婴儿派对礼物
To a Coworker Who Brings Their Kids into Work
同事把孩子带到了公司
On Take Your Daughter to Work Day
带女儿来公司活动日
To a Coworker Who Sells Their Kids’ Fundraising Products
同事售卖为孩子筹款的小玩意儿
To a Coworker Who Just Got Divorced
刚结束一段婚姻的同事
When You Bump into a Coworker Outside of Work
在外偶遇同事
When You Bump into Two Coworkers Who Are Clearly on a Date
巧遇办公室恋情
When You Bump into a Coworker at the Mall
在购物中心巧遇同事
To decline a Coworker’ s Party Invitation
拒绝同事的派对邀约
At Your Boss’ Birthday Party
老板的生日派对
To Your Boss’ Wife
与老板夫人交谈
To Your Boss’ Husband
与老板的先生交谈
Chapter 4 同事的兴趣爱好
To a Sports-Obsessed Coworker
“体育迷”同事
To a Coworker Who Is Really into Their Cats
爱猫成痴的同事
To a Coworker Who Just Bought a New Car
刚买新车的同事
To a Coworker Who Just Bought a House
新屋落成的同事
To a Coworker Who Is into High-Tech Gadgets
酷爱高科技产品的同事
To a Cigar-Obsessed Coworker
爱抽雪茄的同事
When Someone Is Way Too into Guns
非常喜欢枪械的同事
When Someone Is Really into the Environment
你的同事是环保人士
To a Coworker Who Tries to Sign You Up for a Charity
鼓励你参与慈善事业的同事
To Someone Who Has a Lot of Pictures on Their Desk
桌上放了一堆照片的同事
Show You Pictures from Their Exotic Vacation
同事给你看国外度假的照片
To a Coworker Who Eats Ethnic Foods
吃家乡菜的同事
To a Coworker Who Eats Health Foods
吃保健食物的同事
To a GourmetFoodie Coworker
爱好美食的同事
When a Coworker Wants to Talk about a New Movie Release
同事想谈论新上映的电影
When Everyone Is Talking about the Same TV Show
当大家都在谈论同一个电视节目
To Coworkers Talking about American Idol
同事在谈论《美国偶像》这节目
Chapter 5 工作中的紧张时刻
Chapter 6 办公室政治
Chapter 7 不是每天都会发生的事
Chapter 8 不上班的日子
Chapter 9 各行各业
內容試閱：
Chapter 1 EVERYDAY OFFICE SITUATIONS
MEANINGLESS THINGS TO SAY…
WHEN YOU ARRIVE AT WORK ON MONDAY MORNING
周一早上到公司
0 1. Present.
我来啦！
02. Look out world, here we come.
各位注意，我们上班啦。
03. Is it Friday yet?
已经到周五了吗？
04. Before I do anything I just want to make sure—I’ m getting
paid for this, right?
我只是想确认一下：我干这些活儿是带薪的吧？
05. Déjà vu, all over again.
似曾相识的一天，又要从头来过。
06. Back to the grind.
继续咱这苦差事。
07. Didn’ t the weekend just fly by?
周末一闪而过了吧？
08. Another day in paradise.
又是一个天堂般美妙的日子。
09. Fancy meeting you here.
真高兴又在这儿见到你了。
1 0. Welcome back, fellow travelers.
同行的朋友们，欢迎归来。
1 1. On your marks...get set...WORK!
各就各位……预备……开始工作！
1 2. Let’ s kick the tires and light the fires!
大家检查下轮胎，准备启动了！
1 3. Back into the ol’ salt mine.
又要回盐矿干活儿了。
1 4. Now we get back to saving the world.
我们继续拯救世界吧。
1 5. You haven’ t aged a bit since I last saw you on Friday
afternoon.
一个周末不见，你一点都不见老啊。
1 6. Let’ s be careful out there, everyone.
兄弟姐妹们，工作的时候专心点。
1 7. I like to think of us as the New Breakfast Club. I’ m the
jock.
我觉得我们简直就像《早餐俱乐部》里的那些人，我就是那个运动小子。
1 8. Gentlemen, start your engines.
先生们，提起精神干活了。
1 9. I have a good feeling about this week.
我预感到这周会有好运气。
20. All present and accounted for?
所有人都来了吧？
2 1. Hope you remembered to bring your fun caps.
希望你是带着愉悦的心情来上班的。
22. Here we are, just like old times.
继续吧，还跟以前一样。
23. It’ s nice to be back with my work family.
真开心能重回我的工作团队。
24. I wonder if there are any office birthdays this week?
办公室里这周有没有人过生日？
25. Did you do the reading?
你事先读过文件吗？
26. Well, onward and upward, everyone!
那么，各位，振作起来吧！
2 7. Another day, another dollar.
干一天工作，赚一天钱。
28. I’ m really going to try to make this week special.
我正努力让这一周变得特别。
29. Let’ s step it up this week!
这周我们加紧干活吧！
30. Welcome back to the Magical Mystery Tour!
欢迎回到《魔幻之旅》！
3 1. I had a great weekend. Just lounged around and ran a few
errands.
我周末过得挺爽，闲逛了几圈，干了点杂事。
32. Anyone quit over the weekend?
周末有人炒老板鱿鱼的吗？
33. Who’ s up for some workin’ ?
这儿有点活儿，谁愿意干？
34. I hope you’ re ready to hit this week out of the park.
我希望这一周的工作你可以轻松搞定。
35. I missed all of you.
我很想念大家哦。
36. Another week, another week’ s salary.
干一周，拿一周钱嘛。
37. Let’ s light this candle.
我们好好干吧。
38. Nice to be back, see you tomorrow!
回来上班的感觉不错，明儿见！
39. This ain’ t no fun-day, you know?
这一天可不会太轻松，知道不？
40. In case you’ re wondering, I spent the weekend with my
celebrity friends.
你一定想知道我周末干嘛去了，我和我的名人哥们儿在一起来着。
4 1. Push out the jive—bring in the love.
别说那些花言巧语，拥抱真爱吧。
42. Just five more days of this and it’ s the weekend.
再这样工作五天就又是周末啦。
43. Every Monday morning is a reminder to me that I really need
to check into prescription antidepressants.
每当周一早晨我都会想，我是真需要开点儿抗抑郁的药了。
44. Who’ s pumped to be here?
有谁来上班是神采奕奕的？
常用答句
MEANINGLESS ANSWERS TO COWORKERS’ QUESTIONS
应付同事突如其来的发问—
“HOW ARE YOU DOING?”
“近况如何？”
0 1. Keeping on keeping on. 继续努力，继续努力。
02. Just trying to keep moving forward. 正在努力地赶进度。
03. Holdin’ up. 还坚持着。
04. Nobody knows. 谁知道呢。
05. Living the dream. 活在梦想中。
06. Just making time. 就一直在赶进度呗。
07. The question I ask isn’t so much “how” I’m doing but rather
“why” I’m doing.
我想问的不是我该怎样工作，而是我为什么要工作。
08. Chasing the rainbow of fruit flavor.
我正追寻水果味的彩虹糖呢。（我正朝我甜美的伟大抱负而去。）
09. Doing what I need to do. 就做我该做的事情呀。
1 0. Scoping the scene. 看看办公室的情况。
1 1. Getting’ it done! 马上完成啦！
1 2. Rockin’ it. 干得挺欢，如火如荼地进行。
1 3. Barely holding on. 快撑不住啦。
1 4. Just working for the weekend. 就在为了度周末而工作呗。
1 5. I like to think that I’ m keeping it real.
我宁愿认为这一切都是真实的。
……
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